Dating Tips For Boys

Are Women Solar Powered?

2008-09-20T00:25:00.003-07:00

The sunshine and warm weather has arrived which heralds Spring/Summer here in the West and suddenly the local high street or shopping mall turns into a high-fashion catwalk for super-vixens. Throughout the dark months the only thing on view was tumbleweed or snow. For years now I have wondered whether women are in fact solar-powered. In the dark days of deepest winter as a man you will be hard-pressed to spot a super-babe unless you are living with one already. Streets are full of black-coated shadows with hats and scarves and you wonder where all the girls have gone.

Suddenly, the first warm day of the year arrives and you realize that your healthy fully-paid for beer belly is a shocking reminder of the last 6 months (lifetime ? Ed.) of indulgence and you need to sort yourself out. XXXL baggy T-shirts may see you through the next few months but with sudden appearance of that orange thing in the sky, your local public areas become a temple to female beauty. The question is, where do they all come from? For half the year, these goddesses are no where to be found. It is always possible they have been wintering in Antigua or Ibiza but for sure they don't work in your office or that of any other male buddy.

Quickly you come to the conclusion that either these girls are shipped in for the summer to drive you crazy, or that they must be a figment of your imagination. Its a perennial mystery. For a guy, getting ready for summer is a laborious task with the gradual coloring of the skin and a lazy shift to shorts and T-shirts. Women however appear to turn into sun-worshiping supermodels at the drop of a hat.

I remember working in one city where the first sunny day was always greeted by the male team in the office heading for the best area of the city for lunch just to watch the girls go by. For months we had been starved of anything to look at at all, and within hours of a good weather report we see perfect women appear in all-over tans, strappy tops, perfect hair and this years' designer shades. They exude confidence, look spectacular, there is no gym work to be done, and they could eat you for breakfast.

The answer is of course that these beauties simply must be powered by the sun. During the dark season they hibernate or lock themselves away simply to appear like butterflies when you are most off your guard. Whereas as you have braved the wind, rain and snow to watch every winter sporting contest on offer, becoming more pasty-skinned than snow covered peaks, these perfect specimens of woman kind have been plotting and planning.

You see whilst most men like to react to situations, women are far more thoughtful and prepared. They plan their wardrobes by the season and know what they will be wearing for the summer before you have even ordered the Thanksgiving turkey. Women are indeed proactive, hence your dilemma. These girls have been there all along, working hard in the gym through the long dark days, working on a pre-summer tan and caring about their appearance. If they haven't then they are still far more equipped for seasonal changes than men ever will be.

It is certainly true that women feel cold more than men. Guys, you know how when you are too hot because your ex-girlfriend used to attach herself whilst asleep to your body like a limpet so that whilst she snoozed, your combined body-temperature was the same as the surface of the sun? You remember allowing one leg to reach out from the sheets to act as a cooling aid for the rest of your quickly-melting body? Well exactly. Girls generally don't like cold weather so I am assuming they hibernate.

So when the sun finally does shine and the temperature rises, you feel you have been taken by surprise by the local mayor shipping in blonde models from Sweden. I must confess that I don't know where these great-looking girls come from and I certainly know that I have never worked in a winter office full of them. It is possible that every city has a huge office where all the top looking girls work all winter. But for now it remains a government secret. But I do accept that as men, we tend to keep our eyes closed for half the year. If you are lucky enough to live in warmer climes then I am sure you don't meet this scenario as often but certainly for European men, its a perennial mystery we cannot explain.

There is something amazing about dating in the warm sunshine. Everyone feels more sociable, possibly more attractive and certainly more healthy. We go outdoors more, we socialize more, we care about how we look more. With lighter nights we stay out later and travel more and because of all these things we meet more people and consequently encounter more attractive girls per square foot. So take advantage of the season.

Whilst the Fall is romantic and love in the snow is glorious, it is in the summertime that we flower best. Therefore guys perhaps this year or next, if you are dating you could anticipate summer just a little earlier than usual and think about how you are going to look when those warm nights finally arrive. Be proactive like the girls we ogle.Wouldn't it be good if a woman writer could write an article on why all the attractive guys always appear in the summer.

But for now I stick with my original point. I firmly do believe girls may be solar-powered. Just don't let them know the secret is out.

Bald Men and Dating - The No-Hair Dilemma

2008-09-20T00:25:00.001-07:00

I am tired of hearing women saying that he is "bald" as if he was ill or stricken. Being bald is like growing older, or getting wrinkles. It's natural. If a woman is obsessed with dating men with full heads of hair then she could be classed as extremely shallow indeed or have an unbalanced sense of youth. Certainly she may be completely mistaken because her current hairy beau could end up bald anyway later. If a man said that he wouldn't date half the women population because their breasts were too small (or big) he would be listed a chauvinist and sexist fool. Yet daily I hear women express their interest that "my man MUST have a full head of thick shiny locks". It is as if a sign of dating success is to date the man with the most hair. Sigh.

Interestingly a man with a purposely shaved head doesn't count. He has the ability to grow hair but he has chosen to have a shaved head due to fashion. Maybe he is a member of the armed forces and therefore expected of him. Maybe he is P. Diddy. Either way, many women appear not to want to date men who don't have a definitely low hair line. Its part of nature and attraction and therefore a major part of dating.

A woman I know once said about her prospective date; "Oh no, he won't do at all. He has no hair. I want a man with a full head of hair like my daddy had" ! Another girl friend said to me; "I adore men with shaved heads, bald men are so masculine and sexy. They remind me of Bruce Willis." So my initial impression here is that it is down to personal taste.

Dating is initially based on physical attraction and subconsciously we are seeking a healthy mate to procreate with. A lack of hair is tied in with age, maturity but for some reason half of women view a lack of hair as unhealthy and off-putting. I know a great many women who will not date balding men at all. I was even watching an episode of Sex and the City the other evening when one of the characters said she wouldn't consider a man walking by because he was losing his hair. It is as if he were a nuclear war victim about to die.

Strangely though the cult of hair is mainly heavily obsessive in the US and this is partly due to genes. With the heavy influence of eastern European males through successive US generations, one finds a society where balding men aren't quite as prevalent as in other countries. In Scandinavia, the UK and western Europe for example, hair loss appears to be far more common and is therefore far more accepted. To make my very unscientific point, I was once drinking in a bar in Anchorage where I was the ONLY man in a packed bar who had no hair! In Europe this would be unthinkable.

The first thing we need to spell out here is that having a bald head has nothing to do with poor health. It is generally a process of age. It is the same as a woman's breasts sagging, eye wrinkles or neck lines. Being bald is a gradual process that appears to affect certain men in stages. I think the reason why women are so affected by the image of a bald head is because of the media, Hollywood and movies. The leading man has always been portrayed in western cinema as a man with a full head of hair. Hair is also the natural domain of youth. Therefore inevitably women grow up expecting their men to have a full head of locks just like a Rolling Stone, David Bowie or Clint Eastwood. Subconsciously they want their babies to have full heads of hair too.

There are rare exceptions. Sting has been losing his hair for years but is seen as very sexy, Nicholas Cage appears to be losing his hair but this doesn't affect his attraction and Sean Connery has lit the fires of generations of women and is probably the sexiest bald man alive. So maybe hair has nothing to do with it. Maybe it is the whole package, the overall attractiveness of the person concerned. Success and confidence levels certainly assist any man, whatever his hair length and this should be taken into consideration.

The issue for bald men then is confidence when dating. If you are losing your hair gradually then the best thing one can do is NEVER cover it up. The sweep-over hair styles of yesterday have long since gone and any man with a lack of thick hair should take a long hard look at Bruce Willis and get to the barbers for a shaved pate. A man has to learn to live with not having lots of hair and it doesn't happen in an instant. Its one thing to have one's head shaved on purpose, another to have ones hair thinning by the month.

My own advice is to take the bull by the horns and accept that not all women will love you as a bald man, but then they may not have gelled with you anyway-and what do they know anyway! If a woman judges you by your hair she is probably not worth knowing in the first place (shallow) and if you are a woman, imagine someone judging you by the size of your ass. Instead guys, remember that around half the female population will love you for your looks and see a shaved head as very masculine, virile or even not important at all in the equation.

My advice is to join the shaven-headed generation and give yourself some confidence and panache by dressing well, looking good and getting your nicely buffed head a tan. Be cool, be sophisticated and learn to go for the ladies who love your style. Don't aim for the ones who want a surrogate luscious-locked salon owner. I'd have rather been Yul Brinner than Casy Kasem any day.

Next time someone checks out your lack of hair on a date you have just met an unsuitable match. If you wish to point out their failings too, please go ahead!

The Beach: Style Rules For Beach Dating Success

2008-09-20T00:24:00.002-07:00

When summer looms, it's time to take stock guys. You are going to have to go to the beach at some stage, and even worse you are going to have to take your shirt off, unless you want to look like you are concealing something. If you want to meet girls on the sand then the very first thing you must do is GO TO THE GYM. I cannot say this more clearly, sort your body out. If you begin in April, 3 months of training will lead you into a confident packed July. Certainly you will feel a great deal better about yourself anyway as I know miracles don't happen over night.

Then I have to mention body hair. Whilst amassing body hair as one gets older may be nature's way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don't find to attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have their legs waxed all the time so pull your self together. Gyms often have an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.

Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning (so I am told so don't sue me!).

So, now that you are primed lets get down to the beach and meet some babes:

First of all, the beach is often full of girls and they are often as bored as everyone else. We can pretend that the beach is a fascinating place and it is when we are looking at people we fancy but just laying in the sand for 10 hour stretches isn't interesting in itself. Though it is a good place for a sleep. No, my friend, girls are waiting for you to stroll past and entertain them, even if it's only at third hand.

The first thing to point out is that the beach is generally a relaxed place full of chilled-out people who are half-dazed, half-hungover, half-blinded by sunlight and half-asleep. So to make an impression you are going to have to do some approaching to make things happen. Now the first thing to point out is that ogling the bathing beauties isn't going to get you anywhere. For heaven's sake man haven't you seen breasts before?

Let us be clear, a girl in a bikini is displaying her body. She may not fancy you and she may be after a good tan, but she is attractive and attracting all the same. So what you have to do is not smile, or leer or letch, you have to go and make nice direct conversation. Don't walk past and simply say "Hi there", you have to go for a chat and make nice general conversation whilst listening carefully for everything she has to say to pick up on any clues about her availability and interest. Oh and by the way - if you are holding your stomach in and breathing shallow, she already knows you are looking like and idiot. And if you are more worried about your all over tan than she is about hers, forget it.

So it is time to take action. Spot a girl you like who is as clearly available and single as you can gather and then go over for some light conversation and you will need to inject it with some good humor and intelligent observation. If she has a friend you may go over with your mate in tow too but that can be a recipe for disaster because if her friend doesn't like your friend, their discomfort will lead to her friend dragging your beach babe away. Sadly, as many guys know, a beach babe is often accompanied by a beached whale.

So go it alone. Go for a chat with your sun-creamed damsel and be witty and charming. Do not lay on her sun lounger and take over, offer to get her and her friend a cold drink whilst you are there. Let them stay where they are, don't invite them immediately to joining your 50 other male friends unless they really seem keen to do so. The fact is, you may well dazzle the girl with your pecs and abs but you are still going to have to use some dynamic conversation to get her laughing. Make your initial contact fairly brief but enough to stir her interest. Then initially retreat to play games with your mates in the surf whilst she looks on and discusses your potential with her friends. Later, it will be time for a longer visit for better conversation.

When you go to the beach, guys, forget the ever-so-brief Speedos. Apart from the fact that you will put almost every single girl on the beach off you due to you not leaving anything to the imagination, your packed-lunch needs to retain an air of mystery as this stage. So put it away and leave the Speedo thongs at home. When you are an Olympic swimmer you can put them on again. Get your surf shorts on (preferably a stylish make) and let them flab in the breeze. Surf dudes are cool for very good reasons. By the same token, any form of colored sun block across the cheek bones should be lost. You will look like an idiot.

As for sunglasses, you may usually look like Bono from U2 with your fly-like shades but not here, my boy. Instead get yourself to the mall or surf shop and buy some cool shades that don't have red neon lenses with fractal mirror effects so the girls thing you are a loser. No, if I can sum up this paragraph, it's stylish, stylish, stylish! You may think well it's the beach, this doesn't matter. But girls notice everything and that includes you so unless you wish to remain single, take heed of what I am telling you.

So, you are in shape, you are dressed well, you are subtle and you are confident about making opening conversation. There are things that you can bring to the beach that may help you in your beach babe quest. Consider these without looking like you are building Everest base camp:

Drinks Cooler - Perfect for your beers and the offer of a refreshment for the girls. The perfect opener.
Sun Cream - With that tanned hairless back, you now need someone to rub cream in, so use one of the oldest lines in the book to its greatest effect. "Hi, do you think you could assist me by rubbing some oil on my back". You will rarely get refused if you select carefully.
Ball - The simplest round device can end up uniting a whole section of beach in a volleyball tournament or football match. They are useful even just to throw in the surf, though I once did use a coconut in Malaysia (very heavy when full of water!). Basically, always be armed with whatever toys can entertain. The exception is water pistols. Girls do not like being splashed with water so forget it.
Radio, CD Player - Good and bad. You want to bring music to entertain the troops but you do not want to play music wars with every other beat box on the beach. By the same token you also do not want to ram your musical tastes down the throat of everyone within half a musical mile. So work on the subtleties of having a radio to attract, because it can. Do NOT lay about with a personal stereo on as you will remain single (and deaf) forever.
Boogie Boards - Go to the stall near the beach and buy a minimum of two of these foam-fantastics. These are those things like you used to learn to swim with but now jazzed up to roll about with in the surf for a spot of belly surfing. If you have a collection then hand them out to the lovelies you like and invite them in with you. Girls are rarely offered this kind of opportunity so take the initiative. Now.
Beach Towels or Rug - this means something to lie on to build your base camp. Anything will do except the 6 feet versions with imprinted pictures of naked blondes. Once again, your mates may love it, but the girls will think you're an idiot. Style, style , style fellas !

Do NOT ever bring a deck chair or lounger with you onto the beach. You are supposed to be a man. You should be swimming and playing sports mainly and if not you should be chatting to the girls you like. Wearing mirror shades may be fun for girl spotting but to all the women on the beach you will be classed as a pervert and ignored so lose them. Any invasion on the beach of a video camera is also useful in displaying you as a perverted voyeur so lose that as well. Girls will immediately think that you will be posting the footage a few hours later onto a seedy site on the web. If you can't wear it or put it in your mouth, it's unnecessary.

Whatever you do, ensure that you include the girls you are interested in, in sports and activities on the beach. It is always nice to be included and just because she looks like a mermaid or bikini goddess doesn't mean she prefers to sleep all day. If she can laze about on your surf board in the shallows or play ball in the waves, then make the offer. After all, she can always smile and say no. And what's the problem with that?

Dating: A Guy's Bare Essentials For Successful Dating

2008-09-20T00:24:00.001-07:00

When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff it is always worth reminding ourselves as guys as to how to get the foundations right.

Bathe

This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!

Arrive on Time

The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!

Be a Gentleman

Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.

Compliment Her

The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.

Listen to Her and Ask Questions

Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.

I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.

Prepare

The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.

Who Will Pay?

This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.

The Goodnight Kiss

Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.

I'll Call You

Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.

How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right

2008-09-20T00:23:00.002-07:00

When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.

Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life. The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.

The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier, or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.

If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.

When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.

Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.

You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.

On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are mean to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.

If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?

So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.

Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?
Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on
Always sound busy yourself
Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
Choose a weeknight for the first date
Chhose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be
Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
Don't get annoyed if she says no. Smile!
Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
Work out the best moments to ask someone out
Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well

Why Women Can't Commit: Dating Advice for Men

2008-09-20T00:23:00.001-07:00

It's a fact of life for the modern woman, committing to someone other than themselves is scary stuff. Commitment means compromise.

I often hear women complaining that there are no eligible men anymore and that they struggle to find anyone who matches up to their most basic requirements as a mate. Think about this, you rarely hear a man saying that there are no eligible women anymore, though they may argue there are too many highly selective women. No, this lack of commitment used to be an accusation thrown at men wary of marriage, but these days you are more likely to find a woman with a good job who has taken over this role as the wary one.

I know lots of eligible men. They are young, unmarried, good looking, single, with good careers, lifestyles, are fit and healthy and looking for a serious relationship. In fact most men I know are serial monogamists! I asked one of my friends, Sean, 32, about whether he felt that the modern women he met were ready to commit and he said:

" I have wanted to settle down for a long time now, but women are too interested in their careers, want a casual lover with a fat wallet and nice car, or are simply too scared of the commitment levels required to live with someone. It seems to me, women just aren't ready to compromise their new found strengths and are very frightened of monogamy. Every time I have attempted to have a serious relationship, it is the girl who has panicked when things become more intense."

Sociologically, this is an interesting development and Sean's view is not alone. The fact is, there is a huge pool of resourceful, talented men out there ready to commit, but they are really struggling to find partners. Its important to note that there is no great difference in the number of single, available men and women and so we don't face an imbalance. So what is going wrong?

Well first of all, we have to consider social change. The social emancipation of women has been refreshingly vital in the last 15 years. Salaries for women have increased in many sectors, more women than men appear to be excelling academically and have moved into the mainstay career domain. A career has meant financial liberation allowing women to purchase their own apartments and cars and whole self-sufficient lifestyle unheard of two generations previously. Women are able to conceive later and they have a sexual liberty unparalleled in modern society. Indeed some men I interviewed saw women now as the main sexual aggressor and were "frightened of them." Women have become dominant in some areas and men are on the retreat, uncertain of their new role and what it may entail. Whilst I appreciate this may not be true in some of the smaller communities, the trend for city dwelling women confirms this general trend.

Marriage has become a taboo subject for many women, seeing it as a role for the subjugated with one-sided compromises that are just not worth taking on board. The average of marriage for a western woman has now increased from the early twenties to almost the early thirties, certainly 29 being a key age for many. Women instead have replaced early marriage with self fulfillment, meaningful life-content and career-path progression. This in turn means that a woman becomes instinctively very choosey about any life-partner who may interrupt this comfortable world.

In the meantime, men are struggling and perhaps seen as increasingly pathetic in their needy overtures. This is all too obvious in TV ad campaigns currently running. Whilst a man fights desperately to keep his loved-one, the woman has other ideas about where she sees herself ten years from now. It may well be settled with children, it may well be as a tax exile in the Bahamas, it may well be independent, financially astute and driven as well as successful. But she isn't going to take any old man along for the ride. She wants her man to shape up or ship out. And rightly so.

It is clear that relationships boundaries have moved. Many career women will not compromise their jobs for the sake of a relationship. It is as likely a man will move for his girlfriend , than she for him. With career comes financial independence and like it or not, many women struggle to understand that men were brought up to feel like the breadwinner. This is likely to relate back to the hunter-gatherer of human evolution so cannot be excused so dismissively. However, as many women excel in their given careers, so the man has to come to terms with the fact that he may not be the primary breadwinner any more. Indeed he may be more likely to stay at home and rear the children.

The red-blooded male is in a quandary. The media and Hollywood send him many different confusing signals as to how he should act and react. The problem here is that as yet no final solution has resolved. Women's lives have become dynamic and men are slow to react and evolve alongside. Consequently we can explain the reactionary rise of the Laddish culture alledgedly portrayed in magazines such as Loaded, FHM and via Jackass TV. Where a man cannot find his own sense of identity within a relationship, so he has divorced himself from considering relationship evolution. Be careful however, this is not to take on board the difficult situation modern men find themselves in with women.

As women evolve their own independence during their twenties, so they become sophisticated consumers and have acute sense of taste. Far more so than many men. This in turn means that they know exactly what they are looking for when you come along to ask them on a date. Get it right and you may be selected, get it wrong and you will be dumped without hesitation. And no, you may not be for keeps. The sophisticated new woman will often therefore see any committed relationship as similar to giving something up. You will often hear women say that they are seeking a man who will "compliment" their lives and add to their life experiences. There is no suggestion of compromise on their behalf however.

Women are also acutely aware that men cost women and can drain their emotional and financial wealth. A man can be hard work if he is not himself already emotionally self-sufficient. I am sorry to say it guys, but a lot of you are a little too emotionally needy as yet. This may relate to the current state of male self confidence in a world of increasingly dominant women. Women now value their freedom to express themselves sexually as never before and this certainly causes men a problem. TV shows like Sex and the City have covered almost every bastion of sexual discussion that men often feel uncomfortable with. Whilst women move forward increasingly confident in their own sexual behavior ands needs, men are struggling to take on the open mindedness required. Ask many men about the subject of oral or anal sex for example and they will run a mile. Men always thought sex was their domain, now the hunter has become the hunted.

Children is a key ingredient in the equation because however successful and confident the modern woman is, her biological clock may still tick. First of all its important to stress that some women are now happy to admit they never wish to have children, which is a change from previous generations. Some women are happy to admit they never wish to marry. But for those seeking children in their thirties, they have more options than merely seeking a stable semi-permanent relationship. Whereas men may have run from such a responsibility previously, now they are fighting to maintain it. If they can be replaced by a fertility clinic, they may be in trouble.

I don't have the answers to this issue, but I do see that women are increasingly dominant in relationships, whilst the men have simply lost their way. Whilst a woman may want her man to act like a man, it is a man with conditions. Whereas before a man could call the shots, now he must listen carefully if its not he who ends up being left on the shelf. It may not be that women can't commit, it may simply be that they don't have to anymore.

Do Bad Guys Always get the Girl?

2008-09-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy, Mr. Bad Boy, always gets the girl !! If we remember the bad guys at school and college with the best looking babes it appears that the movies could be right. The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys ? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls, we see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America's Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what is going wrong? You see men are confused. Men like to refer to stereo types and work from them. We are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy, but then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides and be a modern man holding the baby.

Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends mean, never calls, is rude and unhelpful and shows little respect appears to have a fan club developing. Life my friends is often unfair. Okay let us look at what is going on with this scenario.

Interest. Yes, interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and are a law unto themselves. They do what they want. They go where they will and they answer to no one. They are interesting. Tow the line, do as you are told and you are dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not. Generally.

Bad Guys are a challenge, we all love a challenge. Women love a challenge just like guys. If something is a challenge the end results must surely be worthwhile? Of course and bad guys are a challenge. The girls who go after a bad guy want to keep them to themselves and will do a great deal to keep hold. The more you want them, the greater there is a chance they may walk away. Women love to feel good about themselves and getting their bad guy, at least for a while, satisfies that urge. This appeals to some people and the greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort to keep them. There may be a lesson there.

Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they are about and don' really care what others think. They are their own men and don't need others to prop them up. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves but that doesn't make them any less attractive. Bad guys don't have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos. Somewhat out of shape if Mr. Soprano doesn't mind me saying, but immensely attractive all the same.

What have we got if we combine these facets. Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality. That equals sexy. Is it any wonder therefore that such types of guys often get the gals. It doesn't mean to say that we like them and it doesn't mean to say that this is fair or a good thing. But it can be natures way.

I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. No not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our social arsenal of dating weaponry. It is first the way you perceive yourself that matters. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life then this will boost your attractiveness. You don't need to go round being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.

The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics and analyze within yourself what is it that you think partners like and how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.

Dating Rules For Men

2008-09-20T00:21:00.000-07:00

You are a guy who knows how to date, you are a guy who hasn't dated in years, you are a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These rules are simply to protect your emotional state and to ensure even handed success. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But don't be outgunned, be prepared my friends as the dating battle isn't over yet buddy.

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes even if the last time you checked your Nike's out was 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her? Oh yes and buy a good well tailored suit, there is no excuse not to.

2. Get your hygiene and styling sorted out. Down to the barbers and sort out your hair, get a decent style if possible. If you don't have much hair still get down to the salon and either get your head shaved or something you can handle. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Yes that means some expense. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine and smell good always. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life so coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (by the way I love skateboarding!). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. Change job if need be but at least try and look like you you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself. If you already do, then you are on the right track but know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future because they will be asking questions about your prospects even if they pretend it isn't important. It is.

4. Get your knowledge levels up. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity and laziness is no excuse either. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world outside. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously, if you don't have plans to travel, get some. Being able and willing to sort out vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you love your booze sort yourself out as there are other things in life too. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, but give them the impression that you live in there will get you absolutely nowhere - fast.

6. If you love your sport then fine,. If sport is a religion you may have a problem but everything by degrees guys. If you are serious about dating then ramming the subject of soccer, ball games or football down your date's throat will put them off in record time. Sport to the uninitiated is completely boring and shows not only sheep mentality to a woman but lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sport too and that is fine but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams there is nothing more sexy than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman so do it instead of thinking with your balls.

10. Sort out your educational knowledge of manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated well, particularly with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant, know about fashion and jewelry and in particular flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you should not go wrong.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one man entertainer. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her by the bucketful. Fact.

12. Give up smoking now.

13. Lean to dance even if you have two left flat feet. Women love to dance and dancing is a physical contact sport (or can be). It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. If you can join Salsa and dancing classes all the better. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.